Next Game Nov. 17 at Vassar Radio: TBA TV: TBA 2009-2010 Schedule Click Here The Coach Adam Turner The Team Christian Marghella Yonah Greenstein Jeremy Arnstein Frank Stortini Matt Shubert Anton Popov Awet Eyob Lamar Powell Alvaro Llanes Ben Kane Carlos Gadelha Nicolai Eddy Archives Click Here Facebook Page Click Here Website Creator Howard Megdal Contact Us |
| Raptormania! TEN YEARS Dedicated to Bard College Basketball |
"I just thank God for the opportunity."
- Jessica Stannmen
Cooper Union's heart and soul, on what it is
like to play against Michael Mandlin. 2/01
- Jessica Stannmen
Cooper Union's heart and soul, on what it is
like to play against Michael Mandlin. 2/01
Disclaimer: Raptormania! is a satirical website. Facts and quotes in news and game stories are fictional. All separate interview stories,
however, are real.
however, are real.
| Raptors Land 6'8 Force Awet Eyob Coming to Bard July 13, 2010 |
| The Bard Raptors didn't land LeBron James this summer. They didn't need him. Instead, 6'8" strongman Awet Eyob is heading to Annandale-on-Hudson this fall, adding size and skills never before seen at Stevenson Gymnasium to a recruiting class already set to transform the Raptor program. Eyob was profiled in The New York Times last month, described there: "He is 6-foot-8, built like an oak tree, and seems to have mastered a behind-the-back dribble and crisp passes from the corner of his eye." He is the highest-profile recruit from Eritrea since Josef Woldense, the acclaimed Bard center who currently holds the team record for blocked shots in his career. It is clear, however, that Eyob will challenge that and many other records in his years at Bard. Between Eyob and Anton Popov, the Raptors will boast a frontcourt unmatched in school history, both in terms of size and skills. That the two will have the opportunity to grow together over the next four years, coached by Adam Turner, means that there are dark days ahead for the Skyline Conference, the Liberty League, and fans of competitive balance the world over. Asked to comment on Bard's imminent domination, Director of Vassar Alumni Relations Cathy Lunn could not be reached, as there is no phone in the 1979 Chevrolet Chevette where she lives. |
| Raptor Recruits Ready to Destroy the Skyline May 13, 2010 |
| With just one more season of Skyline Conference domination left, the Bard Raptors have already loaded up the roster with Liberty League-level talent, signing five first-class recruits to pair with five returning stars to help make the final Raptor march across the Skyline akin to General Sherman's march across the south, but with less mercy. We'll detail these recruits more in the coming days, but in brief: (Anton Popov- three years ago. Good luck, Skyline Conference!) ANTON POPOV, 6'7", Germantown Friends: A Philly recruit in the Rasheed Wallace mold, Popov can shoot lethally from the perimeter while displaying post moves more advanced than any interior player in Bard memory already. Don't believe me? Ask Youtube. LAMAR POWELL, 6'0", West Orange, NJ: A tremendous offensive player, both off the dribble and from the perimeter, who can make terrific defensive stops. Draws comparisons to Demitrius Washington, one of the all-time Bard greats. Watch Lamar dominate here. ALVARO LLANES, 5'11", Manhattan Village HS: A true New York City scorer, averaged 18 points and nearly six rebounds per contest as a senior. Chose Bard over Hartwick and SUNY Oneonta, presumably because he spent time in Oneonta. CARLOS GADELHA, 6'2", Brazil: Part of the just-created Rio de Janiero to Annandale-on-Hudson pipeline, Gadelha is a master defender who can score when chances open up, kind of like a cross between Stacey Augmon and Kaka. NICOLAI EDDY, 6'1", Detroit Michigan: A player who sought Bard out, can both shoot and handle the ball. His exploits were so voluminous that the Detroit Free Press had to reduce the number of days it prints to save money on ink. Listen to Coach Adam Turner discuss the recruits, the upcoming schedule, and Vassar's imminent demise here. |
| BARD HIRES ADAM TURNER Greatest Player in School History Set to Become Greatest Coach, Too August 7, 2009 |
As Raptormania! celebrates its tenth anniversary, the outlook for Bard basketball has bever looked brighter. By hiring Raptors legend Adam Turner as head men's basketball coach, the Bard Athletics Department has provided the best tenth anniversary present since Larry David's wife gave him permission to have sex with that dry cleaner played by Gina Gershon on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Turner brings nothing but strengths to the table. His on-court knowledge is without equal. He has a strong working relationship with many of the current players, an unparalleled recruiting network already, a tireless work ethic and an intelligence that will inform every facet of his work. Only the reality that the universe is expanding- meaning one day it will break apart and destroy everything within- stands as a limitation to Turner's tenure. But that isn't expected to happen for thousands of years- years that will be dominated by Bard basketball, thanks to the hiring of Adam Turner. |
