List of '11-'12 Victims Released
Vassar Faces Double Devastation
June 30, 2011
The tectonic shift of basketball power Bard
College from the Skyline Conference to the
Liberty League is apparent in the Raptors'
2011-12 schedule.
While the Skyline teams, free of the ominous
reality that basketball season means second place
at best,
celebrate their newfound freedom, it is the
ironically-named Liberty League that will suffer
under the yoke of Raptor thrashings for seasons
to come.
The season opens with nine out-of-conference
matchups. Bard begins by defeating John Jay, a
tough opponent out of the CUNYAC featuring
conference rookie of the year Jamar Harry. The
victory by Bard is expected to mirror
the three
days with palsy John Jay suffered through before
dying in 1829.
The Raptors will also defeat Albany Pharmacy,
the team
that gave up 45 points to a young
Raptor years ago named... Adam Turner.
Other non-conference casualties include Yeshiva
on November 22, Mount St. Mary's on
November 29 (both on the road), as well as
Rutgers-Camden on December 7. The brutality
unleashed by Bard that night is expected to leave
Camden looking... pretty much as it does now.
Conference play begins on January 10, 2012 with
the ritual slaughter of Vassar College, this time in
Poughkeepsie. On February 14, the St.
Valentine's Day Massacre of Vassar takes place
at Stevenson Gymnasium. Other Liberty League
victims include Skidmore, Union, Hobart, St.
Lawrence, and RPI, whose team will be able to
compute to the forty-third decimal place both
how big Bard's can of whoop-ass is, and the
precise moment Bard opened it.