1. Josef, how tall are you?

6’6”

 

  1. That’s very tall.

Not tall enough to be in division 1

 

  1. You’re more than a foot taller than my girlfriend.

       That’s why she didn’t want to date me

 

  1. I understand you are from Eritrea. When did you come to America?

Almost 5 years ago

 

  1. When my great-grandfather came to America, he thought the streets were paved with gold.  He also thought the houses were made of gingerbread, and that hats wore people. He was loving, but not gifted.  What were your impressions of America before you arrived?

Well I grew up in Germany so I had a picture of America, but it was still a lot better than I thought. Especially the people that I met.

 

  1. You have been given the number 33. Are you aware of Michael Mandlin, a longtime Bard center who won player of the year honors three years ago? No one has worn 33 since.

Well I wear double 0 now in the game after Michael Mandlin came up and threatened me.

 

  1. Do you feel any pressure to live up to the expectations set by Michael Mandlin at Bard? For instance, do you feel it will be possible to lose your sneakers 30 minutes before game time, as he did on any number of occasions?

No not really. Adam will still be the main focus. I just want to come in and help the team out where ever I can.

 

  1. Last time Bard played Vassar, the Brewers won 83-47. The time before that, it was an 89-30 margin. Vassar players have taken to making fun of Bard players, and years later, will laugh spitefully while they pump our gas. Do you think it is right that Vassar players routinely set fire to children?

Well we will beat Vassar and call mike Tyson to eat their children.

 

  1. It’s Gameday. Take us through your routine.

Get dressed and play a lot of one on one to get loosened up.

 

  1. What’s the most important thing people don’t know about Eritrea?

Small, but very diverse. And don’t believe Africa is one country with one language. Also, ingera, very popular dish in Eritrea.

 

  1. Who’s your favorite player? Which NBA player do you most resemble?

Hakeem Olajuwon. The best center ever. Sam Perkins

   

  1. Promise here and now that you won’t leave early for the NBA draft.

Only if they draft me as a water boy. I can’t say no to that.

 

  1. What are your hopes and dreams for the Bard Raptors in your time here?

Change Bard history and win as many games as possible.

 

  1. And after college?

I would like to work for the UN and work somewhere in Africa

 

  1. Bard plays SUNY Maritime on January 20, 2004. Do you think this game will actually be played on a boat? How will this affect your game?

I hope not because I’m not the best swimmer.

 

  1. Bard’s victory over Pratt on December 10 is going to be ugly. If the game was a girl, how ugly would that girl be, in terms of the number of drinks you’d need to have before sleeping with her- 15, 17, or 23?

I haven’t played against them, but I hope more than a 100 or until she looks like Halle Barry

 

  1. Your catchphrase for the Bard season:

TAKE THAT, TAKE THAT, TAKE THAT