| Annandale-on-Hudson, NY January 17 A wary Adam "45" Turner returned to the Bard campus to face Boston Baptist. This followed pressure so intense from the gaggle of girl groupies that became Turnermaniacs that he left campus for over a month. Groupie tactics included: 1. Laying in the grass next to his Oberholzer dorm, arranged to spell out "45", after his record-setting scoring performance against Albany Pharmacy 2. Sending their panties to him through campus mail 3. Demanding that he return their panties personally 4. Videotaping themselves having sex with Jamal Mashburn, Turner's favorite player, and then having Mashburn turn to the camera and say, "This could be you, Adam Turner" 5. Having members of his fan club call him up and intentionally breathe heavily into the phone 6. Having Sarah the asthmatic call him up and unintentionally breathe heavily into the phone |
| Adam "45" Turner Forced to Flee State after Groupie Attack |