Raptors Crush Blue Jays
January 7, 2010
The Bard Raptors treated the NYU-Poly Blue
Jays like a crazed cat with a taste for blood,
crushing the overmatched opponents in mind,
body and spirit, 73-53 before a zealous
Stevenson Gym crowd not quite as panicked as
they should be about their Senior Projects.
The Raptors dominated in every facet of the
game, making sure that after several close calls,
this game wouldn't be in doubt. Forrest
Alvarez-Ringer led Bard with 13 points, while
all-world point guard Justin White had 12 and
"Arkansas' Pride" David Pollett had 11. Frank
Stortini had 8 points and 16 rebounds, or more
than half of NYU-Poly's 31.
The Raptors raced out to a 40-21 lead, then
managed a half of shooting so accurate that Annie
Oakley reportedly came back from the dead to
offer herself sexually to any Raptor player. Bard
shot better than 60 percent in the second half
from the field, 80 percet from three-point range.
Following the game, the Raptors chose not to
bend the Blue Jays over and spank them, at
midcourt, one-by-one, fearing that the
redundancy between the public flogging and the
game would bore spectators.
Bard next heads to Farmingdale State, with only
an EPA investigation into the team's cruelty to
Blue Jays standing as the one negative from
Thursday's win.
NYU-Poly, meanwhile, heads home to take
stock of their shattered lives.