| BARD HIRES ADAM TURNER Greatest Player in School History Set to Become Greatest Coach, Too August 7, 2009 |
As Raptormania! celebrates its tenth anniversary, the outlook for Bard basketball has bever looked brighter. By hiring Raptors legend Adam Turner as head men's basketball coach, the Bard Athletics Department has provided the best tenth anniversary present since Larry David's wife gave him permission to have sex with that dry cleaner played by Gina Gershon on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Turner brings nothing but strengths to the table. His on-court knowledge is without equal. He has a strong working relationship with many of the current players, an unparalleled recruiting network already, a tireless work ethic and an intelligence that will inform every facet of his work. Only the reality that the universe is expanding- meaning one day it will break apart and destroy everything within- stands as a limitation to Turner's tenure. But that isn't expected to happen for thousands of years- years that will be dominated by Bard basketball, thanks to the hiring of Adam Turner. |
