| FLASH: Wheaton Ducks Bard College October 30 - The Wheaton Thunder, whose nickname's futile attempts to travel as quickly as lightning continue to fall woefully short, have again ducked the Bard Raptors, choosing instead to schedule Northwestern, whose program is so bad they are the unacknowledged 11th bastard child of the self-proclaimed "Big Ten Conference." A Thunder Web site recently attempted to place the blame for Wheaton's understandable cowardice on Coach Chris Wood, who faces the unenviable task of getting opposing colleges to agree to certain doom by a devastating Raptor attack. Aside from being rife with inaccuracies (the article claims falsely that Coach Wood hid at a Motel 6 in order to avoid scheduling- Coach has never hidden at anything below a three-star hotel), the claims are as false as Germany's pretext that Poland had attacked them to begin World War II. The Greatest Generation, in fact, has Wheaton College to thank for forcing them to fight a war for freedom. On October 11, 1941, the cornerstone for Wheaton's Alumni Gymnasium was laid, setting off the worldwide conflict less than two months later. Indeed, from Wheaton graduate Billy Graham's controversial anti-Semitism, to fellow alum Dennis Hastert's sanctioning of man/boy love, the Thunder's refusal to play Bard and subsequent cover-up have been a nightmare Wes Craven (another Wheaton product) would be proud of. We urge them to make like Wheaton's own Josh McDowell, Christian Apologist, and say they're sorry. |